The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
