Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
