Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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