I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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