Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
