also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
