Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize