He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
