Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
How external is "for external use only"?
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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