I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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