It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
