My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
