New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
