Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Me. At least after what I've been through.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Randomize
