that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
