And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
