I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize