he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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