Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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