Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
‎"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
