God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
