You smell like stripper and shame
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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