I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
