Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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