she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
