He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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