Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
