Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
