The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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