They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
