I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize