I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
