Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
