then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize