please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
