Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
