Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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