She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize