Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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