Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
