Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize