3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
