look no pants
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
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