Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
