I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
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