I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
