It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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