U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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