Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
