She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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