he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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