u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
