Don't make out with my wife yet
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
This beer is not sobering me up at all
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I have fence marks all over my body
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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