i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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