I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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