so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
