Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
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