the condom got lost in my hair
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
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