i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize