We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
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