the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
