I showed him my bush... on skype.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
