If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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