dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
