Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Randomize
