just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize
