The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
