why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
