I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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