You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize
