When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
