I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
