i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
