I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
