i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
