I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
There's even glitter on my cock...
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